Paying it Forward

June 18, 2008--Yesterday I was too worn out from an exciting day of software conferencing (more hair gel and flowbie action in that room than I've ever seen) and good deeds to even consider gloating in print.
Here's a quick 48-hour run down before I get down to real business and tell you how I saved somebody's life:
Monday I threw myself mercifully into an eight-hour work day, and I also found a wayward set of wedding rings in the bathroom, which were promptly returned to their rightful owner ( 1 point Instant Karma), thanks to my quick thinking and handy post-it note that read "If you lost something, I have it. Find me in Suite 150." The rings belonged to the cleaning lady, and she was really excited that I had her tokens of true love. I was really excited that I had the chance to play Lord of the Rings for an hour or so.To complete my day of philanthropy, I drove through a few shopping center parking lots on the way home from work, waving people across so they felt a revived sense that some people do indeed yield for pedestrians (Instant Karma points 3, 4 and 5). One guy actually looked like he might ask me on a date he was so shocked by a random act of consideration. But maybe he was just confused because I also waved him across a previous parking lot drive-by.
No-doubt, Tuesday is the frosting of my dayplanner cupcake for the week marked June 15-21. It kicked off with a super fun 8 am meeting, chock-full of strategic insight and ideas on how the organization can leverage its assets. (I spent the rest of the conference call fighting the urge to say 'Leverage up on these assets' so I'm not sure where we left off as we adjourned). Here's where my life's about to change.
At 10:30 am I am speeding down Hillsborough Street--running late for the flowbie convention in Durham---chatting on the phone with Melanie (think Gayle and Oprah here. This won't be the last mention of her as adventures tend to find us when we're together) as I'm closely observing the piece of tire rubber lying on the I-40 entrance-ramp that I'm about to roll over, which is beginning to look like some sort of creature-'OH SHIT IT"S A TURTLE!'--I think was my exact exclamatory phrase. My next immediate thought was What the hell kind of tail was on that thing? A dinosaur's? By the time I got to the top of the ramp, my conscience was screaming at me to pull off the road. I got off the phone with Mel--who happens to be the queen of turtle rescue in Arkansas--and prepared myself to either do my civic critter duty or be totally grossed out. I never ready to deal with anything freshly smashed. It took me forever to navigate downhill in heels but when I made it to the bottom--there she sat. Not happy about having to put her feet out on the hot asphalt, so she was pretty much on a suicide mission. Oh shit here we go, I exhaled.
Here I am hunkered over in the middle of the lane, turtle tucked safe between my feet as I'm sticking my hands out into traffic like the fashion police. I could almost read the mouths of people screaming 'stupid girl' and 'idiot' in their cars as they roared past. Almost on cue, this black jag pulls up and idles caddy cornered (traffic starts to back up) and this gaggle of the nicest white trash ladies start telling me that snapping turtles are mean and will bite me. No shit Sheila. And this particular individual has 100-degree asphalt feet, is probably thirsty, scared and could use a good bath, judging from the algae hanging off her shell.
I explained quickly that I wasn't going to let it sit out in the road, so they promise to handle the traffic while I transport the snapper to safey. A lot easier said than done. As I try to pick her up again and again she keeps slipping out of my grasp because she's so slimy. And then she starts hissing at me, and then when I get my hands under her shell she pushes up with some strong ass legs and starts freaking me out, so the jag committee tells me just to kick her across the road. Which sounds really bad, but my shoes ended up being the perfect shape to wedge under her shell and give her a little boost, which forced her to take three steps. So I did this little boot, scoot n boogy until she was safe and sound back at the edge of the road, where I'm assuming her bog is located.
All said, the process maybe took three minutes. So sorry for the inconvenience folks. And thanks nice jaguar ladies. If I knew where to find you I'd buy you a carton of Winston Reds. Afterall, it takes a village to raise a child, a turtle and an idiot like me.
After the fact, I had to do my ritual google as a tribute to my reptile sister. Here's what I found:
Common Snapping Turtle: Chelydra serpentina An adult usually weighs between 10 and 30 pounds but some will become well over 50 pounds. Unlike other turtles, snappers seldom leave their aquatic home, they rarely even come out to bask. Around the middle of June plus or minus a week, The females emerge to find and dig a place to lay their eggs. The eggs are slightly smaller than ping-pong balls, 20-40 perfectly round white eggs will be laid. This is one of the few times that Snappers will leave the water so they are frightened and easily angered-a large turtle seen at this time of year is best left alone. If the the Summer is hot, the eggs will hatch in late August or early September. If the Summer is cool the babies sometimes hatch but often remain in the nest until the following spring.
So now I'm totally feeling badass. Not only did I save one turtle, but I save 20-40 of her unborn children. (That's like the Instant Karma jackpot!). It's the middle of June so she was surely headed to the median to lay her eggs. What a bad idea, turtle lady. I hope she understands I was trying to help her. And if you're from Raleigh, please, NO SPEEDING near I-40 in August as it could likely be a crossing for snapper hatchlings, and I might not be there to supervise.
Moral of the story: Save a turtle. It feels good.

Playlist of the Day:

1. Road Block--Big Brother & The Holding Company
2. Keep it Light Enough to Travel--Be Good Tanyas
3. Send Me on My Way--Rusted Root
4. Shambala--Three Dog Night
5. Take Me in Your Arms (Rock Me a Little While)--Kim Weston
6. Instant Karma--John Lennon
7. Handle with Care--Traveling WIlburies
8. Don't Come Around Here No More--Tom Petty
9. I Shall Be Released--Bob Dylan
10. Thunder Road--Bruce Springsteen
11. Goin Down the Road Feelin Bad--Grateful Dead
12. Traveling Without Moving--Jamiroquai
13. Gimme Three Steps--Lynyrd Skynyrd
14. Ride On--Little Axe